Saturday, 12 May 2012

Self-help Suicide at Rick's Cafe. (Memoir).


Rick’s Tattoo.

I’m not one for spending money on self-help books or listening to the advice of ‘Bullshit Gurus’. They’re full of the obvious, such as, be good and good things happen to you or the ridiculous statement, think yourself thin! I’m pretty sure you can’t think yourself thin whilst scoffing a cherry pie and that however much positive thinking you do, it won’t cure your cancer. However, I did dabble in the self-help field a few years ago…

 I had decided to go on a one-off luxury trip to Jamaica with a few friends, Kat, Nicky and John. The day before we left, my boss at Household Bank, Jason, gave me a book to read on the beach. Now, I wasn’t expecting the latest Jackie Collins smut-fest, but I was surprised to see it was a so-called ‘self-help’ book. Jason was a Richard Branson wannabe, arrogant and self-centred - not the kind of person who relied on self-help books for confidence. Or so I thought. It had a grey-haired man on the front with the look of an American-President about him. The words, ‘Thinking Big’ were stamped across it. I shoved it in my suitcase with no real intention of reading it. I was planning to pickle myself with rum and relax with my friends – not read self-help books!

Jamaica was luscious. Our hotel was on a beach which reminded me of the beach on the ‘Bounty’ advertisement that I’d dreamt of visiting since I was a child. It was also next to a nudist resort called ‘Hedonism’. Their holiday-makers sometimes walked along our beach in the buff which we wouldn’t have minded if they were young, athletic Americans, but they were always grey-haired, pot-bellied old men wearing sunglasses, hats and nothing else. And the grey hair wasn’t constrained to the head. We had a birds-eye view of the pier where their daily activities took place. Naked yoga was an experience and occasionally, they took the holiday cocktail term, ‘Sex on the Beach’ literally.

            We had planned to go on a hotel-run boat trip to a place called, ‘Rick’s Café’. On the day before, I got terribly sunburned so I grabbed my book, ‘Thinking Big’ and headed for a shaded hammock on the beach. I started to read whilst downing rum cocktails and was surprised to agree with everything Dr David Schwartz was saying. ‘Believe that you will succeed and you will’ and ‘Cure yourself of excusitis’ – it was like the old cliché of the light-bulb coming on in my head – assisted by the Jamaican rum, of course. By the time we were ready to go for our boat trip, I felt completely in awe of Dr Schwartz and in hindsight, a bit brainwashed.

            On board were my friends and I, two Russians who didn’t speak English and two Americans. It was nothing fancy, an old wooden boat with a green canopy on top to save our scalps from scalding. It reminded me of that film, ‘The African Queen’. We shared some rum with the forty-something Americans who were U.S Marines. We had silently formed a clique, leaving the suspicious Russians to the other side of the boat.

Our boat was driven slowly into a cave and I stood up to take a photo. Just then, one of the Jamaican boat drivers threw a plastic cup up into the air and a massive swarm of bats flew down. I dived to the floor screaming like a splatted star-fish. The American woman tutted and said,

‘Jeez, it’s only a few bats, Christ-sakes!’ The Jamaicans were laughing as they steered the boat back out of the cave. Obviously, this was the highlight of their trip.

When we arrived at Rick’s Café, we were told the boat would be back for us in two hours and to climb up the steps that had been carved into the cliff. At the top, I understood what all the fuss was about. It was breath-taking. A cool, vibrant bar area, a pool, huge soft cushions to chill on and Jamaican music. The staff at Rick’s were jumping off the 35ft cliff into the sea for our entertainment. They looked like they were made from plasticine the way their bodies flipped and twirled mid-air. We had Jerk Chicken for lunch looking out over the twinkling sea and lounged on the cushions, drinking rum.

I was explaining how great ‘Thinking Big’ was to my friends. They were opposed to self-help books and were mocking me.

‘Listen, I, Leesa Harker can DO ANYTHING!’ I said flinging my arms in the air to dramatize the revelation. ‘There is no difference in ME and any other human, the only thing that stops me doing amazing things is ‘excusitis!’ Kat was choking on her rum laughing and Nicky and John exchanged glances, but I carried on, ‘Hesitation spells failure – take risks!’ Through a rum and coke haze, I decided to demonstrate my theory. I stood up, like a magician about to make a rabbit appear from a hat, and explained that I was going to jump off the cliff like the bendy Jamaican boys. A roar of laughter went up. Any fool could see that I was aerodynamically challenged. I had never even jumped off the diving board at the pool at home – and that was a two-foot drop.

I marched over to the cliff edge. A huge black man with a bald shiny head looked at me, his face saying, really? I kicked off my flip-flops and nodded, confidently. Dr Schwartz’s words rang out in my head, ‘You can do anything! Don’t hesitate, just DO it!’ The Jamaican said slowly in his thick voice,

‘Stay straight, hold your…’ That’s all I heard. I had already leapt from the cliff edge like a giddy gazelle. About a millisecond after I jumped, my mind went blank and only one word rang out. Shhhhiiiitttttttt! The sparkling Jamaican Ocean came closer and closer in slow motion. I took in the beautiful horizon where sea meets sky just before the terror set in. And then I crashed through what felt like a huge pane of glass. Then… blue… dark blue… navy…then black!

I was deep underwater – and panicking. My stupidity hit me like a Red Snapper to the face. I felt excruciating pain all round my bottom. I yelped out air which bubbled upwards, showing me the way and even though I couldn’t feel my legs, I somehow floated to the top. When I surfaced, there were about a hundred faces peering over the cliff edge. I was mortified. I heard Americans shouting,

‘Oh My God, are you okay?’ My friends later told me they thought I had surely died after entering the water like a Ninja doing an air-karate kick. To my absolute gratitude, John was beside the black man, taking instructions to hold his arms across his chest, feet together and body stiff. He jumped off, went into the sea like a dart and back up again to help me. I was in agony and still couldn’t feel my legs. I had to be carried onto the boat, which had just arrived.

The Jamaicans were almost rolling about laughing. The American’s high-fived me and the Russians cracked a smile, or two in my direction. The American woman who had rolled her eyes at me for the screaming incident in the bat cave said she had much respect for me and that she hadn’t the balls to jump. The Jamaicans passed me a bottle of rum to ‘help with the pain’ saying they had seen it all before and that I was going to have a ‘Rick’s Tattoo’ – a huge bruise on my arse. The pain was so bad that I had to sit on a life-vest on the way home. As if the day hadn’t been dramatic enough, the boat broke down in the middle of the sea. I tried to recall how Katherine Hepburn tried to save the African Queen, but couldn’t. Luckily, there was more rum stored on the boat and we all got very drunk, even the drivers. I told everyone about Dr Schwartz and the Americans suggested I sued, which I promised I would. We began a sing-song and the only song that the Americans, Russians and Jamaicans knew was, Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up.’ That’s what was ringing out as the rescue boat arrived.

The next day, my Rick’s tattoo appeared. Both my bum cheeks were black and blue. Word had spread in the hotel and the workers greeted me with,

‘Hey, J-Lo, how’s your butt?’ for the duration of the holiday. I had in fact, broken my coccyx bone, which I found out after weeks of not being able to sit down properly.

So yes, self-help books are a strange phenomenon. Yes, you can do anything, it’s true, but you may die or make a complete fool out of yourself as a consequence. It doesn’t say that on the cover!








No comments:

Post a Comment